he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
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The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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