Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
