I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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