Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
