we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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