Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
