does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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