One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I could fuck to npr.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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