just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
