Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
