yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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