is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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