When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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