my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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