Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
