I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
