He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
