I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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