Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
