I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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