you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
