i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
