I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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