In America we eat man semen.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
