Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
