That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
