I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
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I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I am available for nakedness
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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