Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I use my feet as sexual weapons
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
