I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
