Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
