I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
