She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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