He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can you bring me the toilet please
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
