Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
