what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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