she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
