i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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