he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
