He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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