Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
