you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
