I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
