I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You dont lie about slip and slides
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades