Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery