that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
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Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
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I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die