He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.