Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
