Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
