What a fucking waste of an outfit
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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