just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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