I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
