He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
