i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
