My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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