What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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