I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize