checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Too much gin, very little bucket
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
