at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
