I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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