I need help removing her.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
