im six kinds of drunk right now
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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