I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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