There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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