Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
