Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
