too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
